Dinner and a Dead Guy #46 ~ December 17, 2006
We held our 46th Dinner and a Dead Guy last evening. In Castaic, CA, myself, Joanne, Gordon, Ester, Catherine, and Rumi the cat. In Wilmington, DE, Ellen, and Brian. In Toronto, Mark, Serge, John, Joshua, and Louise. Rounding out the group was Tom in Oahu, HI, Lisa in Oregon, and Odette in Quebec.
The session began at 4:44 PM. and Kris opened with some thoughts on the theme for the year ahead announced on his radio show this past Friday: The Year of Meaningfulness. He then posed some questions:
“What are the things that make you who you are?”
“What do you appreciate about yourself?”
“How long or short will your list of positives and negatives be?”
“Which will outnumber the other?”
Participants then offered some of the things they appreciate about themselves:
Jo: has a list, but acknowledged she focuses more on the negative!
Brian: has 101 things!
Kris then said the we could attempt to push our list of appreciative qualities or quantities to the front burner.
(I realized that Kris was already delving into next year’s theme: how to create meaning in our lives? Because when we do, we naturally solve problems, generate health, abundance, fulfillment, compassion, and maybe even enlightenment. I was reminded of the vipassana lovingkindness or metta practices, as well as tonglen, and Elias’ appreciation practices. These are all variations of methods to generate healthy, loving FEELINGS, which in turn generate healthy, loving meaning).
Kris then challenged us all to offer some things we appreciate. (And it’s difficult intitially because we are trained culturally to not brag or flaunt or be arrogant, but to be humble, self-depricating, suffering/denying the flesh is spiritual, don’t be flashy, and on and on.)
Brian, Mark, Ellen, Jo, John, Odette, Tom, and Lisa all offered things they appreciated about themselves (I like John’s ability to make 2+2 = 22!).
Kris then offered an appreciation practice: to write down one thing that we appreciate about ourself each day. Throughout the day, find ways to express that particular quality (remember: we get what we concentrate on. This penetrates the subconscious mind and opens doors eventually that allow us to identify blockages, issues, etc.).
The more time we spend each day cultivating appreciation the less likely we are to concentrate on (the usual?) negative things that perpetuate conflict, dis-ease, bad relationships, etc.
(Then our phone blinked out! POOF! Dead….)
(I redialed and Ester and Catherine came in. They had driven all the way down from San Luis Obispo, about 2.5 hours to the North to attend our Seasonal Celebration. We missed perhaps 45 seconds.)
Kris was finishing his thoughts on the appreciation game, as Mark called it.
John asked about the power of one positive thought vs. one hundred negative thoughts. And Kris responded, in effect, saying that it’s relative. In essence, thoughts are really neutral. Our beliefs and contexts give them the power of positive and negative (this reflects Elias’ belief system of duplicity, one of the ten core belief systems, and why it’s SO important to cross-compare Seth, Elias, Kris, Wilber, and whomever shows up for dinner).
John summarized nicely by saying that thoughts that “run against the grain” reflect more negative beliefs vs. thoughts that move “with the flow” reflect more positive beliefs.
Kris riffed that appreciation’s core is reflectd in our civilizations, cultures, nations, etc. and reflect what we do best.
Break: 5:20-5:24 PM.
Kris continued…. EFT (emotional freedom technique) and AAA (acknowledge, address, accept) complement each other and a daily appreciation practice!
(This forms a kind of “triangle” or three-pronged approach in terms of how his Avatar Yoga practices synergize over time. Mastering this “triangle” is very important moving forward with these practices. That is, in getting transformative results that move us beyond our current STAGE of development, or help us to widen awareness in the context of the shift.)
Kris added a sentence: “ As I discover ___________ (the quality we are to concentrate on for a full day), I appreciate and accept myself deeply and completely.” Go through the EFT process to see what comes up. (If EFT is new, check out the July-August- September 2006 Kris sessions where these techniques are explored.)
“Have a Field Day with your appreciation!” (Go for it!)
I asked about Kris’ opinion on ways to deal with our enculturation that represses and marginalizes expressions of public appreciation. I noted the several people had not yet offered what they appreciate about themselves during this session, and while there are several unabashed extroverts in the group, there are also introverts. So I wanted to hear Kris’ advice to help those folks come out of their shells, and find ways to get comfortable with expressing these “selfish” feelings publicly in a group setting.
Kris said the we need to put our words into action (thinking of Seth’s “the point of power is in the present.” and Howard Jones’ song Putting A Dream into Action). We need to DO and SHARE our qualities with others!
He mentioned the sanscrit word “acharya” or one who leads by example.
(The Wikipedia definition is: An acharya is a prominent guru, teacher and scholar who teaches by his own example (from Sanskrit 'achara', behavior). Often head of a sampradaya, philosophical school in the Indian tradition. It is given as a title of respect, often added at the end of a person's name, as in Advaita Acharya.)
(I was also reminded of the core teaching of Elias: acceptance 101 (self) and acceptance 102 (others), and his classic aphorism of “the straight little sapling.” It sets an ideal for all of us to walk our talk in ways that generate natural, spontaneous, creative, healthy, abundant, fulfilling, appreciative, compassionate, and lovingkindness energies. In other words = MEANINGFULNESS.)
(So we need to DO, take action, and yet be in the world. That will lead to ways to feel comfortable about expressing ourselves publicly in appreciative ways that don’t marginalize, repress, or demean others in the process. The latter is a very important distinction.)
(I was also reminded of George Leonard’s and Michael Murphy’s ITP or integral transformative practice. In the Esalen workshop Jo and I attended in June 2005, we did a circle exercise with the group in which we all took turns going into the center and publicly expressing something great about ourselves! This was essentially the same idea, that we need to raise our self-esteem through appreciating the many, many things we do well that we often take for granted or sublimate when we compare ourselves to others, and feel “less than,” as though there is some absolute metric of social and personal worth dictated by our official or consensus reality, when nothing could be further from the truth!
(I was also reminded of an Elias gem taped on Jo’s monitor that inspires her to self-appreciation that I had read several times earlier in the week when I installed a new hard drive for her:
“Your worth is not dictated by the expression or opinion or perception of any other individual. Your worth is not dictated by your actions or your experiences. Therefore, your worth is not dictated by what you create. Your worth is YOU, and this is not reflected by what you create or your experiences or the opinions or the perceptions of any other individual. It is not even dictated by your own perception!” [session 427, July 19, 1999]
Kris also offered a direct approach that can be used with the AAA practice. When our inner critic says “who do you think you are for doing such and such or thinking such and such about yourself…?” simply respond with, “Today I choose to listen only to what I appreciate within myself! I choose to turn the volume on your voice down!” (In other words, I am not going to put mySelf down today, because I really am awesome in this way.)
Kris said to give that inner critic the boot!
(As an aside: this aspect of Self is now well known to modern schools of psychology. It’s called the “Top Dog” by Gestalt [Perls] and the “Parent” by Transactional Analysis [Berne & Harris] – two modern schools of Depth Psychology that trace their lineage to Freud. It also deals with Shadow Projection: aspects of Self that get disowned, marginalized, and dissociated. These are then projected onto “other” [e.g., you’re a bad lover, bad writer, bad person, etc.] when in fact, what we’re projecting onto “other” are our own qualities that we dislike in ourSelf. Only when we re-own these fragmented aspects do we become fully integrated human beings who can then transform into a wider awareness or new STAGE of development. Our shadow fragments can lock or arrest us into cycles of unhealthy, even pathological behavior until they are re-owned. Kris’s AAA and Elias’ NIRAA are two excellent techniques to help with shadow elements. Also, recall that this is one of the three parts of our Avatar Yoga “triangle of practices” that synergize over time!)
Joshua then asked some questions that we couldn’t hear because he wasn’t close to a microphone. But Kris responded with another part of the appreciation game practice. Namely, to make our appreciated thing (quality or quantity) The Habit of the Day (we get what we concentrate on!) It will take 5-7 days to “take root” and 21 days to complete the task (or create new habits of mind, new beliefs).
(Again, we’re not eliminating any beliefs, but reducing the energetic presence and impact of certain core beliefs by concentrating on different ones repeatedly throughout the day, each day, for twenty-one days. And this is not as easy as it seems. This is a great time of year to reflect on New Year’s resolutions and how long they last [typically 2-3 days for most]. This is a twenty-one day practice that requires persistence, dedication, and resilience.)
Kris reminded us that the amount of time we spend on this practice over twenty-one days is actually much less than the time we spend reinforcing those beliefs that create and maintain many of our problems, challenges, and issues.
Kris referred to the various “programs” (or what Depth Psychology calls “tapes” = core beliefs) that we learn in infancy and childhood that play over and over for so many years we’ve normalized them. So it will take twenty-one days of practice to situate new habits of mind through appreciation to help deal with those. Of course, we need to add Kris’s AAA along with this practice to attend to issues that finally surface, issues, beliefs that have been subconsciously accepted, but finally, through acknowledging and addressing finally come into objective awareness (i.e., making the subjective objective). So Kris’s appreciation practice complements his AAA in this way.
Kris began winding up by reminding us that his agenda is simply to “promote a systematic and practical approach to the tools inherent in our consciousness.” But we have to DO the practices, take action and that will establish new belief patterns (again, the point of power is in the present = Seth 101).
Kris also instructed us to make our own twenty-one day calendar and chart off each day, as a device to help our minds concentrate and DO the practice throughout each day.
He wished us all a Happy Holidays and Happy New Year, so he was winding up his 2006 International sessions (as he wrapped his radio show on Friday). Next year is The Year of Meaningfulness. And Kris certainly set the stage for a vibrant, creative, and fulfilling 2007.
Kris left the building at 5:59 PM.
We chatted just a few minutes, and wished everyone a Happy Holiday!
Jo had cooked up a storm and decorated the house for the holidays. So we moved onto our own Solstice Celebration. Jo’s menu was impressive last night. Hors d’oeurves included a cheese bake with antipasto with assorted bread and crackers. The main course included glazed ham, Florentine spinach tart, salad, and sweet rolls. Desert included specialty teas, cream puff, and assorted holiday candies.
We had some great conversations with our neighbor Gordon and Ester, whom we hadn’t seen for months, and Ester’s friend Catherine who is a family, marriage therapist and was very interested in Ken Wilber’s work. She was new to the whole channeling/conscious creation world, but had a very intuitive understanding of its possibilities that moved beyond conventional pathology (dissociative identity disorder in allopathic circles). She also had a lot of experience in the Wiccan tradition, and there are many similarities with Jo’s seasonal celebrations based on the solar calendar. I told Jo that she was a “closet Wiccan” because she resonates with much of their “natural time” approaches to the seasons.
Jo did a couple of group activities to begin testing out her new book Seasons of the Soul: A Year of Fun and Meaningful Celebrations. We opened poppers that had trinkets inside that foreshadowed important personal themes for the coming year. We all picked randomly. I got the same one as last year – a little cellophane fish that when put on my palm curled a certain way. My fish portended that 2007 would be a passionate year. Jo’s was empty and she took that as imagery of simply concentrating on emptiness (shunyata or the simple feeling of being). There were little paper crowns that we all wore that made all look very silly. Jo was the last to take hers off!
I also want to note that the poppers were wrapped paper covered in an archetypal symbol found in all human cultures – the spiral. In Elias’ imagery, it’s the memory tile, or the remembrance of essence. This is his version of “enlightenment.” So it was an appropriate reminder for this time of year when the sun sets low on the horizon in the Northern hemisphere, and the New Year begins, that we begin by contemplating our true nature – The Source that exists in our awareness always already, and now, and now, and now….
Jo did a short reading that focused on our divine nature, love, light, and importance of individuals and community. And we all enjoyed it! We even sang a couple verses of This Little Light of Mine. It was interesting that a group of strangers, I mean Jo and I knew everyone, but Gordon, Ester, and Catherine were all meeting new people last evening, would feel comfortable enough to do these activities. Of course, Kris had set the stage by engaging us to share, with other “strangers” our feelings of self-appreciation!
We feasted and chatted until 9 PM. when everyone turned into pumpkins and went home to experience sweet holiday dreams. A good time was had by all.