In Memoriam – Anu B. (Onkaru)
I only knew her as Anu B. She joined Sethnet Classic on Yahoo! on August 9, 2005 and quickly began to build relationships with many there. When we moved Sethnet to NewWorldView on September 7, 2006 she was one of the first to join (as we had no way to move every email address into new accounts). Her last visit was recorded as November 22, 2006, two weeks before her passing.
Anu lived in what used to be called Bombay, India (now called Mumbai). Her bio listed her occupation as a Risk Manager. Her interests were Akido, writing, and painting. She was also one of our “list poets” – people who regularly share their thoughts and feelings through the magic of the written word.
I was shocked when I first heard the news of her passing in a car accident. Anu was so young and vibrant. Her posts reflected her passion for life that she saw in the beauty of a sunset, a beggar’s smile, or the smell of rain.
I don’t even know how old she was, but she struck me as an “old soul.” She initially shared her feelings about her breakup with the boyfriend that introduced her to the Seth material. Once she found out about Elias and Kris, she quickly opened her fertile mind to their possibilities. She joined other email lists, and networked into the minds and hearts of those who took the time to know her.
She had a kidney ailment and was on regular dialysis treatments. She had been set up for and got out of an arranged marriage, as still is the custom in many parts of India. She had an abusive boss but would soon replace him in her company. She was heart broken over her boyfriend but was intent on moving on. She was passionate about everything it seemed.
There was always a bright light that shone in her posts, her feelings, her thoughts, her caring, her need to know more about herself and others. The Seth material provided fertile ground for her growth. And did she ever blossom! I’m sure others will attest to that.
Anu was a shooting star! She lit a bright path across my virtual worlds. She will be sorely missed, and I can only hope, pray, and trust that she got everything she needed from her short journey with us this time around.
Anu’s presence, or should I say, absence, began to play an important role in my efforts to solve the database problems we experienced in late November on NewWorldView, just before her death. I had one hell of a time isolating and finding the exact cause, which took me more than a month to figure out. Well, that’s the rational explanation. On the magical side, the transrational side, I went through an amazing process. I could have solved the problem very quickly by simply deleting that damned database and starting from scratch!
But it became a Donnybrook. I spent weeks trying everything in my power to fix it. Got a new webhost, paid for a higher level of technical support, tried dozens of experiments, all of which ended up with a dead and confused database, not to mention confused and frustrated members who periodically checked in on our progress.
By mid-December I was ready to throw in the towel, had exhausted all options, or so I thought. But something had become very, very precious about that database. It became a living link to Anu’s presence on NewWorldView. If I deleted that database, I would delete her account, her avatar, her posts and somehow this became a rallying point for my efforts.
December days became weeks. On December 22, 2006 I was on my last legs. I re-installed two separate versions of the database for one last attempt. I was optimistic when I went to bed that Friday night. But when I woke up Saturday, the first database had failed again! I was crestfallen. Forget the second database. It was no use. I had tried everything! It was time to let go and move on. I hoped that Anu, in her new home, and those who might miss her presence in the archives would understand.
I remember laying back down in bed and telling Jo the news. And she said, “We need a Christmas miracle,” but I was pessimistic. Though we had just watched The Secret several nights earlier and were both inspired by its conscious creation message, I was finally ready to let Anu and the old database go. It was hopelessly corrupted.
In hindsight, it was that surrender that opened the doors to a possible fix. I say possible because as of this writing it is still not a 100% sure thing in rational terms. It could still break. But in magical, transrational terms, interesting things began to occur. I got up from a nap and created a third, brand new database from scratch. I was now ready for a fresh start.
But once I had crossed this Rubicon, I decided to play with that second restored database just for yucks. Perhaps I was still avoiding the finality of moving on? But it didn’t matter, it would probably break and that would be that! But my little changes seemed to work right away. Within an hour I was making headway, and things kept working, so I just kept on playing with it. I had nothing to lose!
When I went to bed December 23 this last remaining version of the database was still working. The next morning it was working. On Christmas day it was still working! It seemed as if Jo’s Christmas miracle had indeed occurred. I did nothing significantly different from my earlier attempt on the first database. But for some reason, this last version refused to go gently in that good night!
As I write this today, December 28, 2006, it’s still working. It’s been five days now….
I believe my intent to preserve Anu’s memory in the living archives of NewWorldView somehow helped. I had asked for help from all inner sources for weeks to help me find a solution and no matter how hard I tried, the solution eluded me.
I still don’t have a fully rational explanation for why this last database is still working, but like to imagine Anu and her inner self are both lending energy to her remembrance in our minds and hearts.
So I would like to dedicate this last database to Anu’s loving memory. She was a bright light that added tremendously to our online community. She will be sorely missed. Joanne and I send her family and friends our deepest sympathies and hope she is doing well in her new life. Keep a safe eye on us here at NewWorldView and we will always remember the times we shared!
In her last private message, still in the database, she said, “And congratulations, your forum has taken off superbly and I am so glad to say to you that I enjoy this place much more than our good old Sethnet.” 
“Cheers. 
Maybe we should have beer together some day.”
“Love,
anu”
Indeed! I hope to take you up on the offer some day. A nice ale or stout perhaps?
P.S. I included Anu’s essence name as posthumously given by Kris on December 15, 2006 in the title. It is an honor to receive one of these and I’d like to think that Anu would be thrilled with it!